Valentines and a Rose


The top three things I enjoy on ice: 3. NHL Hockey; 2. Grand Slam Curling; 1. Scotch.

  • I sent my vegetarian wife a valentine: “My cuke little peach, lettuce be a pear. I’ll be so grapeful and won’t take you for pomegranate.” She replied, “I corn seed you be leaf that, but peas beet it.”
  • Canada’s women’s hockey team reportedly underwent to a youth movement “looking for more speed.” So how perfect is the name of this rookie? Renata Fast.
  • First the Bombers signed ex-Riders DE Willie Jefferson, described by TSN as “a thorn” in the club’s side last season. They also signed DB Winston Rose. A Rose behind the thorn?
  • An ESPN pundit suggested the Westminster Dog Show was biased because for the 47th time out of 115 events, a terrier won. Why not say it’s fixed — or in dog terms: call a spay a spay.
  • Rocco Mediate admitted he often drank alcohol on the course during tour events. Instead of a putter, I’m thinking he finished rounds with a designated driver.
  • Reuters reports a chain of St. Louis sports bars has installed urinals with a mugshot of reviled Rams owner Stan Kroenke in the centre. Is there anything one can add to make that funnier?
  • Set to launch on Valentine’s Day, a Tinder-like app called Tudder that helps farmers match dairy cows with ideal breeding partners. It sounds like a lot of bull, but it’s the udder truth.
  • Just wondering: when people in sports describe an athlete’s play as “unbelievable,” should we believe them?
  • The Daily Mail reports a New Zealand scientist recovered a USB memory stick of holiday photos inside a slab of seal poop. You have to wonder what made the guy look for it there.
  • The Hartford Yard Goats baseball team no longer serves peanuts or Cracker Jack due to peanut allergies. The Mariners also once solved a nut problem: they cut Milton Bradley.
  • An update on the guy arrested at New York’s JFK airport for smuggling in South American finches, prized for their birdsong. He might do time in Sing Sing.

RJ’s Punalty Box

A friend was in Paris recently, and said the Louvre museum was so big she had trouble finding her way out. I said there must be 50 ways to leave your Louvre.