Twitter Offers a Smorgasbord of Slights, Delights

The clouds on a recent day give Mount Blackstrap a different look. (Photo by Cam Hutchinson)

When I joined Twitter in 2009, it was to try to write jokes in 140 characters with folks such as RJ Currie. I really had no idea it would become my main source for national and international news, a place to watch heart-wrenching little videos and a place to act like a jerk, which I have a few times over the past decade.

One that comes to mind is the Sunday afternoon when I got into an argument with a Saskatoon high school football coach. He took a shot at me about shots I took at Darian Durant, and I fired back about how his team runs up the score on small schools. I shouldn’t have done that.

By the way, my ability to write jokes certainly didn’t improve.

I follow all kinds of things on Twitter. Interesting people and news sources are among my favourites. I also like tweets that provide little factoids of information. One of the best for this is UberFacts, which has almost 14 million followers.

Among its recent tweets was one about a restaurant located in downtown Las Vegas. 

It is called the Heart Attack Grill and has a hospital theme. The restaurant failed in a number of cities before landing in Vegas, where everything goes. At the restaurant customers are patients, orders are prescriptions and servers are dressed like nurses — albeit scantily-clad nurses. 

People weighing more than 350 pounds eat for free, after being weighed on a cattle scale in public view. People are spanked for not finishing their meals. It is demeaning and degrading and people must like it.

Menu items include burgers that start with the single bypass and go up to octuple bypass. The octuple is four pounds of beef. The quadruple bypass burger has 9,983 calories. The only vegan option is cigarettes.

There have been at least three instances of people having heart attacks at the restaurant. 

Here are some other recent tweets from the UberFacts folks.

Louis Armstrong smoked marijuana and once spent nine days in jail after being nabbed in New Orleans in 1930.

In 2014, an Arizona man stole a diamond worth $160,000 and traded it for $20 worth of marijuana.

Mark Twain was an abolitionist and women’s rights activist. He would pay for the education of black people, including one man’s Yale Law School tuition.

Two men once sold a fake painting for more than $3 million. They later found out they were paid in counterfeit money.

Ming the Clam was the world’s oldest animal, living to the age of 507. Ming was killed by researchers while they were trying to find out how old it was. 

While it often isn’t of much value, you really can learn something new every day.

It must say something about the age of the viewers of the Scotties Tournament of Hearts curling championship that ads are repeatedly playing for Acorn stair lifts. On a side note, I wish my friends at Curling Canada would get rid of that ad featuring Vic Rauter and “Doug.” I find him really annoying; Doug that is. Vic is a cool guy. 

Merlis Belsher Place would be a perfect location for the Scotties championship. The event has been played in recent years in smaller centres such as Moose Jaw, which did a bang-up job in 2015, and is hosting the event again next year. We haven’t had the Scotties here in almost 30 years. It’s time. 

I was at a restaurant last week and wondered why there was a long lineup at the door, given the number of empty tables. I thought maybe it was short staffed. Turns out the restaurant had run out of cutlery. That’s something I had never heard of.

Our city council must be itching for an impact project, given a pedestrian/cycling bridge is being discussed as part of a sewage project in the area between the Circle Drive Bridge and the Chief Mistawasis Bridge. Maybe I am shortsighted, but the bridge would go from the residential areas of River Heights/Lawson Heights to nowhere. 

Why are people in the media referring to former Liberal cabinet minister Jody Wilson-Raybould as JWR? She’s not a baseball or hockey or football player, where people are given cutesy little nicknames. Wilson-Raybould is a member of Parliament, so knock it off. 

People have complained over the years about the noise of the Saskatoon Police Service’s Air Support Unit’s plane. I find it comforting to know it is flying above my home. The unit proved to be worth every decibel last week when it helped save the life of a North Battleford man. Thank you for all you do.