I Dream of Eugenie

106

Five musings while watching the 2019 Brier: 5. PEI Skip John Likely: unlikely to win; 4. Team Canada among the leaders: If I had a Nichols; 3. AB second Colton Flasch: Not a Flasch in the pan; 2. NWT vs. AB: A tale of two Koes; 1. MB skip Mike McEwen: McWon’tWin.

• Former Raptor and Heat star Chris Bosh ranked No. 2 on TSN’s Top 10 Faking It list. Coming in at No. 1: an indeterminate number of wives.

• An early final from the Canadian men’s curling championship: NB 10; NU 2. The foursome from Iqaluit hoped for an upset, but New Brunswick was having Nunavut.

• The Toronto Argonauts signed defensive tackle Cory “Poop” Johnson. Might be the first CFL lineman to wear No. 2.

• Falling tennis star Eugenie Bouchard’s Twitter date from losing an ill-considered Super Bowl bet is reportedly being made into a rom-com. Possible titles include: I Dream of Genie, Backhand to the Future and Blunder Woman.

• The Kansas City Chiefs want OT rules changed so both teams will get a possession. “Fantastic idea, and fair to both sides,” said the CFL — 19 years ago.

• Red Sox pitcher Steven Wright is suspended 80 games after testing positive for HGH, one year after he served 15 games for domestic violence. Knuckleballer? Knucklehead. 

• The March 1 Devils game against the Flyers featured the home players decked out in a special “Heritage Uniform.” That’s right. New Jersey.

• Eight Portland Trailblazers got stuck in an elevator during a recent road trip to Boston. During the 30 minutes they were trapped, they still outscored the Celtics.

• Johnny Manziel’s wife, Bre Tiesi-Manziel, has been accused of taking a shortcut to win the Run Like A Diva half marathon. Out of reflex, the CFL banned her.

• Jason Witten decided to quit as Monday Night Football analyst and return to play for the Cowboys? I’m thinking he should go straight from the booth to the concussion tent.

• Porn star Mia Khalifa claims she had to have corrective surgery because a stray puck in a Stanley Cup game ruptured one of her breast implants. Talk about Deflategate.

RJ’s Punalty Box

After an osprey dropped a fish in right field during a Jacksonville college game, one pundit said “pray that doesn’t happen again.” How would such a prayer start? Let’s osprey?