A Bum Rap for Shap

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Canadian tennis star Dennis Shapovalov celebrated winning an Indian Wells match by performing his own rap number. Note to Dennis: it’s Shapovalov, not Rapovalov.

• Toronto hoopster Serge Ibaka got suspended three games for grabbing a Cavs player’s neck and trying to punch him. Shocking. Usually the Raptors save their choking for the playoffs.

• Since Bob Murray took over from fired coach Randy Carlyle, Anaheim has a 7-9 record. Not exactly getting his Ducks in a row.

• St. Mary’s upset Gonzaga 60-47, ending the Bulldog’s six-year run as WCC champs. Seems the Gaels had a zig for every Zag.

• Buckingham Palace announced that Princes William and Harry will officially split their Royal houses. Not big news in Canada, where curlers make a habit of splitting houses.

• Lo-Rod is: a) engaged couple J-Lo and A-Rod’s married nickname? b) Where Astros star Jose Altuve hangs his clothes?

• A German yachtsman knocked overboard claims he survived hours in the sea by turning his jeans into a floatation device. My wife says he’s not the first guy with inflated claims about what’s in his pants.

• The shortest player ever to appear in a MLB game was Eddie Gaedel — just 3’ 7” tall. With that strike zone, I’m guessing he walked every at-bats.  

• A Copenhagen waste-treatment facilty with an 85-metre-high sloped roof has turned trash into a summer ski-slope. It’s a great way to pad your stats — every minute is garbage time.

• Zion Williamson’s right shoe, the one that didn’t blow up, has been sold, say sources close to Mother Goose. It’s occupied by an old woman with so many kids she didn’t know what to do.

• QB Teddy Bridgewater turned down a possible starting gig in Miami to stay with the Saints as back up to Drew Brees. Same old song: a Brees over troubled Bridgewater.

• Has winning gotten ho-hum for Pats owner Robert Kraft? His lawyer denies Kraft solicited a prostitute before the AFC championship; he went to the spa to try to get up for the game.

• Atlantic League umps will wear an earphone so computers can assist in ball/strike calls. There are bugs: on outside pitches, the computer asks “Are you sure you want to call a ball?”

RJ’s Punalty Box

A Harvard runner “felt skin being torn” off his foot and digits when he ran and won a 3,000-metre race in one shoe. Instead of an ambulance, team doctors called for a toe truck.