Don’t Get No Satisfaction

22

Mick Jagger, 75, posted his first photo since cardiac surgery in New York. To prevent a heart attack, he’s been advised to avoid: a) heaving lifting; b) fatty foods; c) 32-year-old ballerinas.

• McGill University said its teams will no longer be called Redmen: it’s an offensive term to Indigenous people. “Canadians,” said the Washington Redskins. “Here it’s an honorific.”

• Winnipeg opened the NHL playoffs by blowing a third-period lead. And I thought Jets winger Nik Ehlers was kidding last week when he said they got “some of their identity back.” 

• Netherlands is trying to grow curling with a campaign called “Holland’s Next Gold Medal.” I was thinking maybe “Orange is the New Hack” or “A Rockwork Orange.”

• Hard to believe the Blue Jays dealt away Kevin Pillar — good player, fan favourite and a Pillar of the community.

• Johnny Manziel has split up with Bre Tiesi after just one year of marriage. The guy has spent more time in detox than he has in wedlock.

• Steph Curry, the NBA’s all-time greatest 3-point shooter, says he can see the rim better now that he is wearing contact lenses. It’s enough to make James Harden’s beard tighten up.

• Colgate rented Ohio State’s band in the NCAA tournament instead of using its own musicians. They lost the opener — probably just as well since couldn’t blow their own horns.

• U-Conn’s Gino Auriemma says as an NCAA bench boss, he is coaching “with one hand behind his back.” Maybe so, but unlike college athletes he’s probably reaching for a wallet.

• The London Times reports Princes Harry and William are dividing their royal households. Queen Elizabeth calls it splitting heirs.

• Phillies star Bryce Harper and his wife are expecting their first baby. They’ve set aside part of his $330 million salary to bribe the kid’s way into the best kindergarten possible. 

• The U.S. Checkers Championship recently took place in Medina, Ohio. I was never any good at checkers: my opponents always got the jump on me.

RJ’s Punalty Box

The new Alliance of American Football league folded part way through its first season. This has left hundreds of players feeling disenfranchised.