Get Your Pet Spayed or Neutered at Walmart?

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Members of the Saskatoon Valkyries celebrate their season-opening win. (Photo by Darren Steinke)

Janice Hough, on John Daly getting approval to use a cart next week in the PGA Championship because of his arthritic knee: “Will the cart come with a designated driver?”

Torben Rolfsen, on a difference between the UK and the USA: “Archie is the royal baby. In America, Archie Manning made the royal babies.”

• TC Chong, on a woman disputing a parking spot at a Costco on Vancouver Island and pulling a machete out of her car to confront the other party: “In other words, a Costco-sized pocket knife.”

• Stephen Colbert, on the now-infamous coffee cup that appeared in Game of Thrones: “It really broke the reality of a dragon-riding lady in love with a guy who came back from the dead.” (I hope that wasn’t a spoiler.)

• From Rolfsen: “Brad Marchand: Class-less Valedictorian.”

• Chong, on Walmart planning to open vet clinics in its stores: “So you can now expect to get your change in Milk Bones.”

• From Marc Ragovin: “I’m not saying the Mets are bad, but the only way they are winning the division is if the Nats, Phils, Braves and Marlins veer out of their lanes.”

• From Rolfsen: “If they want Joel Embiid to go to the hoop, they should tape a big pic of a burger, fries and shake to the backboard.”

• Chong, on Tyson Foods recalling more than 10 million pounds of frozen boxed chicken because it may contain metal: “To be safe, take your product through TSA Airport Security the next time you fly.”

• From Rolfsen: “Special award to Leo Rautins, who has to watch games with Drake standing in front of him for three hours.”

• Postmedia columnist Steve Simmons, on Ricky Ray’s retirement: “A Hall of Famer shouldn’t be announcing his retirement on a conference call. He deserves to go out with more pageantry for all he’s accomplished and meant to people.”

• From the Toronto Argonauts: “We asked Ricky how he wanted to handle the announcement, because he deserves that respect. We were willing to fly him here, but he didn’t want to travel from California and back for a half-hour news conference. Pretty simple. We will honour him at the home opener.”

• From Hough: “There isn’t likely to be any nationwide controversy over the Preakness. Because this year,  with both Maximum Security and Country House out, who’s actually going to be watching the race?”

• From Rolfsen: “No one knows where Kyrie Irving will play next season, but he plans on finding a spot by travelling to all four corners of the map.”

• Chong, on polls showing that Joe Biden has a 32-point lead in the Democratic presidential race: “Joe said he’s really touched by all this support.”

• From Hough: “At the Kentucky Derby Museum, located at Churchill Downs, you can listen to a recording of every Derby in history. I wonder how they’re going to do this year’s.”

• A promise I think I can keep: No more Leafs jokes.